Greetings from my couch in North Jersey.

I wish I could have flown to Oakland, CA for the fights but couldn’t swing it.

Anyway, I kept a running diary during UFC 117 and figured I’d share. Here it goes:

The first fight is here after what seemed like 10 minutes of intro music and video.

First up is Larry the Cable Guy vs. Junior Dos Santos. Wait, it’s actually Roy “Big Country” Nelson. I swear this guy looks more cut out for the Blue Collar Comedy Tour than the UFC.

Nelson walks out to a Weird Al song. Naturally, the crowd eats it up. I gotta’ admit – so do I. How can you not like this guy?

Santos walks out to the Rocky theme. He looks a little scared. Perhaps Big Country’s mullet is in his head.

Bruce Buffer is here for introductions. Is Bruce still the Fredo Corleone of the Buffer brothers or has he passed his brother on the fame scale at this point? I’ll be thinking about this all night now. Buffer announces Big Country as a Kung Fu fighter. Good times so far!

Big Country gets ROCKED in round one. Unfortunately for him he also gets rocked in round two and three. Dos Santos wins by unanimous decision. Not a bad fight over all. Nelson showed a lot of toughness and Dos Santos showed he’s for real. Good stuff.

Matt Hughes is up against Ricardo Almeida next. The announcers keep billing this as a revenge match. It seems Almeida is a little ticked that Hughes beat his master Renzo Gracie as well as Royce Gracie and Matt Serra. That being said, Almeida doesn’t look fazed at all.

Just noticed that Hughes is listed as 5’9” while Almeida is listed at 6’. Yet Almeida looks at LEAST two-three inches taller than the UFC hall of famer. Looks like someone is fibbing a bit.

WHOA! Hughes puts Almeida down with a left hook, locks in a front headlock and Almeida went nighty night. That was fast. Hughes ain’t done yet!

Anyone think Hughes looks a bit like Brett Favre? (A much shorter Favre, of course.) I wonder who will retire first.

Next up is Clay Guida vs. Rafael Dos Anjos. Guida is always a lot of fun to watch and Dos Anjos is no slouch either. Should be a good one.

Guida walks out and is bouncing around like a mad man.

(Side note: he also played a little air guitar during the walk out. So far tonight we’ve had a mullet, a Weird Al song and some air guitar. I love this.)

Guida looks like a cross between the Geico caveman and the star player of the Bad News Bears. (The original.) If they ever remake The Outsiders, Guida would be a shoe-in for the Emilio Estevez role.

Jason Guida is in Clay’s corner. Can you imagine what the table must look like after Thanksgiving dinner in the Guida household? Yikes.

Good fight so far. The highlight of the first two rounds is a monstrous burp Guida let out between the second and third round. Hilarious.

What the….Guida just submitted Dos Anjos with the weirdest submission ever. Dos Anjos must have been injured. That was bizarre.

Good fight though.

Stefan Struve vs. Christian Morecraft is up next. At 6’6” Struve looks like a really tall Steve O.

Struve takes a beating in round one. This should be over soon.

I was right. BUT it was Struve who won after tagging Morecraft early in the second. What a comeback.

Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves – the co-headline event of the evening. These guys are two really, really, good fighters who just happen to have the best fighter on the planet in their weight class. If they were in any other class they’d be champs. These guys are awesome.

Fitch walks in to his customary Johnny Cash tune – Rusty Cage. The longer hair makes him look like he just stepped off the set of True Blood. I can hear it now…”Fighting out of Bon Temps….” Sorry. Bad joke.

Fitch’s biggest obstacle in his quest to the belt may not be Alves or even St Pierre. It may be TMJ if he keeps grinding his teeth like that. Ouch.

I’ve always thought Fitch was one of the best fighters in the UFC. He’s proving it again tonight. Once he gets a hold of a leg he holds on to it like a bull shark on a fisherman. He wins easily by UD.

Finally. The main event—Silva vs. Sonnen. You may have heard Sonnen has been doing a little bit of talking before this fight. As a matter of fact, he’s been doing more talking than the ladies of The View.

After Sonnen walks out, Silva comes out in a gi. He looks like a cross between Chris Tucker and Chiwetel Ejiofor in Red Belt.

Joe Rogan just said Steven Seagal was in Silva’s locker room. I wonder what they were talking about? Think they were discussing the Under Siege series? I hope so.

Wow. Sonnen pulls off a Jackie Chan style flip after Silva catches his foot then ROCKS the Spider. Sonnen beat the pulp out of Silva in round one. Wow.

The beating continues in round two….and three….and four. This could be the end of Silva’s reign!

But once again, Silva shows the world why he’s the champ and why we’re all watching from our couches. Somehow, someway, the champ manages to catch Sonnen in a triangle choke, submitting the man from Oregon and retaining the belt.

Wow! If I were Sonnen, this would be the most disappointing finish since the end of No Country For Old Men.

The fight was amazing. Seriously. Sonnen showed a lot and Silva showed why he’s the champ. I smell rematch!

Anyway, it was a great night of fights overall. For once there were no controversies to speak of afterwards. Can’t wait for UFC 118!